Babies-R-(All of)-Us! My friends bring little people into big world.
A-ga-ga-goo-goo! A-ga-ga-goo-goo!
Ahhh yes, babies. Little cute, cuddly, chubby little babies. You
know the ones, those mini-humans who manage to steal our hearts and later our wallets. Well, atleast that is what i hear. And i have to trust my sources cuz they are parents and i am not.For the record, i have always loved children but i have never had a deep burning desire to have them. That is a level of responsibility that frankly dwarfs any Appalachian Trail hike or Worldwalk i can come up with. I don't even know where to begin to fathom how much a bringing in a little creature into this world would impact my life. That might sound selfish, but it is the echoeing sentiment of all three new parents i interviewed for this essay.
All three are very close friends. Infact one is my best female friend from high school (she and her husband {we'll call them Bonnie and Clyde} requested that i keep their names confidential - you know CIA/Spy thing- if i told ya, i'd have to take u out!) from high school, the other my best male friend David (and his wife Katie) from my early childhood and the last are new friends (Jason and Mercedes) that i have just met a year and a half ago. All of which gave birth to babies just this past year and all have had their lives impacted in a big big way. That is no surprize.
Bonnie (of Bonnie and Clyde) who last summer gave birth to Gabe, correctly pinned me as to my assesment of kids; "i know u dont want them". I was stunned, yet Bonnie is and always has been brutally honest with me. And she is right. Its not that i don't love them its just that they are the ultimate in responsibility. And as my ex said recently, "you dont want anything to do with responsibility", i can agree with that as well but i think i'll add in the thought that i firmly believe that not taking on responsibility is not necessarily a bad thing.
I mean kids are an ultimate extreme and no one will argue with the fact that u should not bring in any kids to the world if you are not ready to do so. But on another level, i think society frowns or looks oddly at those of us that have little responsibility. "Choice" is what we built this country on and at times the very choice of NOT getting involved in new ventures, whether its a home, big job or kids can come back to bite u hard in the ass. As far as it reflects social standing and whether u are even considered an adult till u take on responsibilities that others have...or even responsibilities that our society says u must or strongly SHOULD be taking on.
The joys and pain of parenthood has been written about extensively. And now the joys and pain of Childless-ness (yes, even Childfree folks have there own book) have also been written about in a new book by Madelyn Cain called The Childless Revolution; What it means to be Childless Today. Course her book touches on the controversial if not awkward attitude society puts on folks that simply do not or cant have kids. But particularly those women that are ostracized when they say "i simply have no interest in having kids!"
Blasphemy Right! How could they possibly say that. I mean, you know, babies are like cute, cuddly and really harmless. And besides, all women should have that biological clock thingie tick-tockin so loud that they will stop at nothing to have a baby. Well that might have been so in the 50's or 60's but the sexual revolution, the pill and a changing workforce have changed all that and the biological clock of yesteryear has been replaced with a re-calibrated one that allows first for a full career, financial stability and the luxury of even deciding whether or not to have a child. But in rare occassions, u will find the old school tradition still living on.
While you mull that over and before i get to my unofficial poll of all three new parents and their outlooks, let us first study the world baby will be coming into. Namely the brand-ladden world of Baby Inc. Or more importantly the plethora of catered-to-ur-baby-infant-toddler-child-preeteen-teen-young adult-products, services and messages that seem to be everywhere you look. The truth is i dislike the marketing towards kids as consumers (and what it turns those kids into) than the idea of having kids. There is a difference. I just might not be explaining it in the best possible way. Take for instance.....
Baby's-R-Us, Gap for Kids, and a plethora of small boutique high end baby stores. The onslaught of magazines such as Child, Parenting etc.. I picked up a copy of Child Magazine recently and the product and product advertisements are just bleeding through each and every magazine. There is almost no editorials, and if there are, well they are all product related.
OK, since i have picked on Child Magazine, i figured i'd open up a few pages of the latest issue. Hmmmm, lets see; Two page full ad from www.hannspree.com which featured a plasma TV screen enhancement that turns yur kids plasma TV (hello, do kids really need plasma screen TV's) into a socer ball, fire engine, walking crab! Their motto is "flat screens should be fun screens".
Ultra sheek strollers like the sexy "gecko" (www.bugaboo.com) battle it out with the techno-nerdy "orbit" (baby-outfitters.com) to see who can have the hottest wheels for baby. never mind that in a few years baby will begin to outgrow such pricey (the orbit goes for $899 - yikes! can you say put that money in an account for college!) high tech devices which in reality were just meant to push a 5 to 20 lb human on a sidewalk. We're not going off roading people! Besides either company doesnt even call it a stroller, the orbit is really a "baby transport system!"
Well if i'm gonna spend that type of money its got to be with some more important child must-have (facetious alert!) it would have to be with an "Indesign Custom Door" for baby's room. Oh yeah baby, here's a must-have. For something like 300 bucks you can have a decorated door with a Disney Charachter, sports scene, or whatever else floats yur childs boat, laminated and heat shrinked to a high end door. Whatever happend to giant posters, or a plastic name plate? I think they topped out at 2 or 3 bucks. Its not good enough anymore to simply spend a ton on making the room look just right but we have to start before we even enter. With a custom, knock-em-dead door design!
Child magazine's sub title or mission statement is "raising kids with smarts and style". I guess they really mean smart consumers with enough style sense to go bankrupt. But c'mon folks, the kids arent reading these magazines, its intended to sway the adults. To speak to their desires, fears, competitive nature etc...The cover pieces that month were "throwing the perfect baby shower", "decorating ideas for halloween", "kids fashion report" (well ya gotta know how to dress them dont-cha?). If the editorial wasn't pushing consumerism enough, the ads kept on the pressure; Timberland Kids; "never too young for timberland adventures", Wonder Bread; "whole grain white bread" (that is bleached white! - to fool ur little one into thinking he/she is eating white bread cuz God knows we cant get them to eat healthy, their kids, we're adults, obviously they are in charge, so we gotta trick them, thank God for....take it in slowly again...Whole Grain WHITE BREAD that isnt whole grain looking but bleached white!"
Course there were the ads that simplify raising a child. Cuz its work folks. I wouldn't know but all parents agree. Anyhow, to help out with the day to day labor there is Boppy! www.boppy.com which is a sorta a c-shaped pillow. Never mind that u can probably rig one up at home. This is no ordinary pillow, though its original intent was to help mommy out when breast feeding or bottle feeding in a comfortable position using the pillow to place the baby in just the right position., the manufacturers of Boppy claim that its uses are almost limitless; "for nursing, excercizing, lounging, sitting, smiling" at Boppy "we have a soft spot for ur baby". Yes the makers of Boppy knew that if word got out that this product was only for feeding....well...you know, it would have only sold a few units.
No todays baby products have to be multi-faceted and definately multi-use, so i can see nursing and maybe lounging but "smiling", "lounging" and "sitting" are these not natural acts that baby does without a 40 dollar pillow! But of course my argument is futile cuz the "Boppy" is the #1 product moms say they couldnt live without. And #6 was diapers!
And if you think the pressure is only coming from tchotchkie companies peddling baby wares how bout the fear ladden insurance companies like Nationwide Insurance which ran an ad featuring a couple in front of a church. Innocent enough right. But wait, follow directions, fold over and whala! the entire right and left sides of the church come to gether to form a baby bottle, and even the copy changes to read; "life is full of changes. it comes at u in stages, prepare urself with life insurance and u can handle anything!"
State Farm chimed in a few pages later with a cute kid looking at dead fish, with the caption; "life doesnt always go as planned so its good to be ready"...and lastly the very next page found the Life and Health Insurance Foundation ran a page with a girl with a long face; "Dorsey's father felt a tingling in his arm, the diagnosis, brain tumor, 6 months later he was dead..."
Gee thanks, we just went through the aggonizing, gut wrenching process of bringing the kid INTO the world, now we'd better prepare for our exit. Life and death is never closer. At least in the marketing of products to new parents. Think of all the safety gizmos they push on us.
Jason and Mercedes have the "Mobi" video monitor unit. For 200 or so bucks u can monitor everything baby is up to next door, or downstairs, while u take care of other business. This is not meant as a jab, i love those two, but in the past, or maybe a simpler age...mom's (mostly) just watched over baby. Mom really had nothing else to do. In a way this is both a cleverly marketed product to the multi-tasking and very busy parents of the modern day. They both work. Now they have a new job raising Nick. but Nick takes up lots of time. The moments they can catch with a bit of free time to catch up on household chores, extra projects and down time...are all made the more easier with the "Mobi".
Course i suspect another valid concern.....call it a fear factor. One that a couple like Jason and Mercedes have a right to be concerned about. Before Nick blessed them with his presence, Mercedes suffered a misscarriage. Which also means Jason suffered as well. My heart still pains for them and i remember the chill that went up my spine when i (in a happy huff of a moment over the phone was stopped in my tracks) heard the sad news.
Parents, even before kids are born are endowed with not only great responsibility but a high, high level of emotional risk. As bad as it was, they tried again. A few months later, she was pregnant! "Hey" said Mercedes "some people cant even get pregnant! This was important to us." I know she was just making a point but Mercedes expressed later just how much joy and sense of purpose Nick has brought them; "If i had to go through 10 misscarriages, to get what i get from Nick, i would have."
This brings up another factor of the risks or u could say the incredible courage that parents have to bring children into the world. We've all heard the phrase. "He/She is a 7 pound, HEALTY, baby girl/boy!" But what if the baby comes into the world with a dibilitating desease such as good friend Xiomara Pages who gave birth to Sandra who was diagnosed with Rett Syndrome nearly 5 years after her birth! Rett Sydrome, a neurological disorder that affects physical mobility and profound mental health issues, is primarily found in girls. There is no cure, not even a clear answer as to how it happens.
That's not only a heavy burden but a cross to bear! Or is it. Pages, a writer and poet has struggled, sacrificed (more than u think or can imagine) and has had to work hard to keep Sandra (now 25 and bedridden for nearly 20 years) alive. And not only physically alive, but emotionally and in an often overlooked component...alive in terms of remembrance (to family members and friends, who'd like to forget or think it easier to ignore the realities). "Many times they forget, I cannot leave Sandra alone, so i get criticized about not making it to certain family events, especially on holidays!"
She communicates Sandra's thoughts through her words, which over the years have been published in three books. Sandra only got to exhale a few mono-syllable words (tata, mama, papa...before at age 3 months she loss the ability to talk or communicate verbally) "Silence in this case is not Golden! I came up with a concept where i bring to life letters i write to Sandra and her responses to them so that people may know the Sandra i know."
Pages is the ultimate mom. In the face of sheer frustration, she sees her having Sandra as a blessing. "Life, is precious. What form it comes in is besides the point." I choose to include Sandra and Xiomara's story because where as other babies grow up, Sandra in a sense is a life long kid. The point is that it happens. Bringing "baby" into the world is very risky, and anything could happen. But Xiomara is the ultimate example of unconditional love. Wheww...
Wow. This baby stuff is real powerful stuff. I'm a pretty passionate guy but i felt in talking to all three couples that having and raising a kid is like no other high out there. And there are no substitutes; Bonnie (of Bonnie and Clyde) adds "The only way to get that experience is to have an actual baby....nothing comes close." Dave and Katie add, "It certainly impacts your life. You think first of your little one before yourself. It actually impacts every decision u make, from what car to buy to how much time to allocate just going out shopping, not to mention sleep!"
My quest to dig deeper into the "new millennium" child came thanks to a quote from a recent New York Times story called "Kids Gone Wild" which centered on the effects of raising a child in an environment of high stress, dual wage earners and precious little time left for raising baby right.
Throw in the increasingly strong force of materialism and "keeping up with the joneses" and you have a new challenge in raising a kid. Our kids now are targets for marketers where years ago they were just kids.
The quote was from Dan Kindlon, a Harvard child phychologist and author of "Too Much of a Good Thing; Raising Children in an Indulgent Age" Though to some of you who are disciplinarians it might sound a bit far fetched or extremist, keep in mind that a recent poll showed that 70% of American feel that kids are ruder now than they were 10/20 or 30 years ago! In the annoyances dept, they actually tie with "obnoxious cell phone users"!
"Most parents would like their kids to be polite, considerate or well behaved. But they're too tired, worn down by work and personally needy to take the task of teaching them proper behavior at home. We use kids like Prozac, people don't necessarily feel great about their spouse or their job but the kids are the bright spot in their day. they don't want to muck up that one moment by getting yelled at. They dont want to hurt.They dont want to feel bad. They want to get satisfaction from their kids. They're so precious to us - maybe more than to any generation previously. What gets thrown out the window is limits. It's a lot easier to pick their towel up off the floor than to get them away from the Play Station to do it."
There is a lot going on in that quote. I urge you to read it carefully again. Basically, we are in such a competitive age (having the right clothes for baby, the right room suite for baby, get baby into the right school, have baby succeed in sports, etc) that "parents who want their children to succeed more than anything teach them to value and prioritize achievement above all else - including other people." Kindlon adds.
Course i'm ranting and wailing against the machine that turns up the heat on child rearing. Namely the pressure to consume for one of the market's newest additions; BABY. Lets get back to the cuddly side of the equation. Take for instance little Nicky, or Nick. Cute, cuddle baby of Jason and Mercedes. To begin with that saga, u can get ur bearings right at http://www.pricebloopers.com/nick
That's right. U see Nick is a new millennium baby. One who flies through Cyber Space. Pictures, stories and updates all lovingly posted every few days thanks to Dad and his acute use of internet/web design. There are litteraly thousands of these private and not so private sites on the net, made to keep everybody near and far informed (at the very minimum, visually) of little Johnnie or Sister Sue's first baby steps, word, or even a momentous bowel movement!
Dave and Katie feel like they have the most photographed child in America, and i believe it, it seems like every week i get periodic electronic/digital photo albums zapped to me. If i put them all together i bet i can flip through each one like a flip/photo book and literally see DJ (David Jacob is their son's name) growing each and ever millimeter! Course exacerbating the issue is the fact that David is not only a proud first time father but a photographer as well.
Holding all these babies was as nerveracking or even more so than some highway miles i sometimes have to do to piece together dirt roads to country lanes on my worldwalk. I generally request a couch. Sit down and then have the baby brought to me. I'm handling some pretty important precious cargo! As i sit and await the little ones, the fathers or mothers are usually carrying them willy nilly, flipping them around, grabbing arms as if the kid is a raggedy anne doll. Course they do so gingerly, and i have heard rumors that these little ones are less fragile than they look.
When they land Gabe tries to take off my eye glasses, DJ just sleeps and Nick stares inquisitively into my eyes. They are funny little creatures. They will one day be making major decisions, making big mistakes, climbing insurmountable mountains. But for now, they stare, sleep, eat, burp and grab and touch anything in sight. And oh yes, they use lots of diapers! (All three couples were astonished at the cost of that detail.)
What struck me most is the bravery of the parents. Especially in this day and age, with all the world's problems, with all the pressures they will face. With all the things they will have to learn. I have to admit, i'm just not that brave. Though many people (the three parents included) think i'm brave walking around the world. I'd have to say my walk pales in comparison! Parenting; the ultimate adventure!
The End
Happy Holidays to all. I am currently in Miami for X-mas, next heading to New York to train our new guide at EFT tours. I'll try staying warm. Comments on this story in particular are most welcome. Even if u are not a parent. Oh yes, photo note. Photos with me with black hat holding baby. That is DJ, Dave and Katie's boy. And with Green Hat, that is little "Nick-y", Mercedes and Jason's boy. All other photos are Nick as well. Gabe, Bonnie and Clyde's kid, is not pictured but i'll tell ya now, that's one cute kid. But its a toss up who is the most cute little boy. That is impossible to tell!
Cesar
posted by planetcesar at 12:47 PM
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